Studying Awesomeness

I haven't been nerdy enough lately. 

Let me explain. 

Growing up, I was always the good kid, the smart kid, the nerd. And I didn't mind a single bit. I actually loved it. I knew that by being good and learning things I would come out on top, plus I loved learning. I hated homework just as much as the next kid, but I loved learning. Not just one subject, pretty much anything. It all fascinated me how things worked together and subjects often collided (not until probably high school they didn't, but then that just made everything I learned more interesting). I even stayed after school to learn more through three different academic teams. MAJOR NERD. But it did get me on a LOT of field trips. I think I was averaging two or three a week by senior year. But anyway.

When I got to college, I decided I'd nerd it up just a tiny bit less. Actually, that wasn't the original plan. I went into Auburn as an aerospace engineering major (ha, yeah, you see how that turned out--I guess eventually I figured out that it would just be better to marry one instead), but after one semester I changed to Entrepreneurship and Family Business. Entrepreneurship kind of runs in the family. My mom's two brothers have always worked for themselves and done quite well, and my dad has owned his own business as long as I can remember. I can't help it, I want to work for myself. It's in my blood. But this new major was still pretty nerdy. I got to learn accounting stuff--and loved it--and economics and a slew of other subjects that I can't remember now. *The homework thing was a bigger problem in college than it was in high school, though.

I joined the Sailing Club sophomore year. I only went sailing once, but I really truly did want to learn to sail. Because it was awesome. 

I wanted to learn to fly a plane. Auburn has a program for that, and I knew I could never afford it, but still. It was awesome. 

I wanted to learn to kayak. I'd been once in Seattle, and it was awesome. 

I wanted (and still do) to learn to ride a motorcycle. That would be so awesome. 

I wanted to be awesome. 

If I crawled down a rabbit hole, I'm sure the Mad Hatter would tell me that I've lost my muchness. That sophomore year I met my rocket scientist and moved away from Auburn in May to be with him. Oh believe me, it was more than a fair trade-off, but it has been kind of hard. There's something I forgot to take with me:

My desire to be awesome. 

I'd come home from my job at the fancy-schmancy dry cleaner, or the daycare, or the mall, and he would be doing homework for some math class, and he would work a problem to a point where it was down to a calculus level. I could actually recognize it as something I used-to-could do. Or his little brother would be having problems with his math homework (ok, ok, I admit, I liked math. A lot.) and I could tutor him through it. Or hubby would explain to me some concept from orbital mechanics, and I would recognize enough of the components to understand. 

Little glimpses of my muchness. 

I used to love learning. I used to love knowing. It seems like the last two and a half years that I've been here, not in school, I've lost that. And that's a really big part of me.

It may sound silly, but blogging has brought a little of that back. There were things I had to learn to get started, and there are things I still have yet to learn to be more awesome. I mean, I had to learn some coding! 

I think that's a big part of why I'm so excited about this next big chapter in our lives. I have a plan to be awesome again. Maybe not in the same ways that I always wanted to be awesome, but in a different way. I mean, awesome is awesome, no matter what it looks like. And out there, with hubby working a "real" job, I have the opportunity to have no distractions from becoming awesome. As long as I'm working my Thirty-One business, I won't have to go out and get a job (you know, the kind where you work for somebody else? They're not my favorite). I'll be able to make my own schedule and push myself to do whatever I want to achieve. If I choose to go back to school, I can. I'll have a proper home (don't even get me started on our little apartment--I can't love a place if I never painted the walls. One day hubby will understand this), and a little cash to hostess a little more. I adore having friends over. The planning, the decorating, the oh-make-yourself-at-home-ing. But to be honest, I didn't put enough energy into making friends here. I have a very few here that are still a part of my life. That will be different in New Mexico. Because I will choose to be more awesome. 

Because awesome is awesome.